Let’s hit pause
This is me contemplating a career pause. Perhaps a career change. I’m not the only one. I have toyed with this idea for over 5 years, starting during my maternity leave with my first child. The world suddenly changed, facets of startling clarity and layers of inexplicable complexity. Since that time, I have not made any moves forward, but this is the first step.
I am in my early 40s and this is my journey to discovering myself again. Practicing the slow life, decluttering, pondering, savoring, taking a hard look at who I have become and who do I really want to become. Over twenty years of tunnel vision, pursuing a career I am successful at, but quickly became a one-dimensional existence, a fact I half-consciously ignored. I never stopped to re-assess if would truly make me happy or continue provide meaning as I matured and achieved other life milestones. So here I find myself, in this decade of life, feeling somewhat lost. Feeling like I am living someone else’s life, working ceaselessly toward someone else’s dream. Navigating career apathy, a mid-career (rather than mid-life) crisis, and perhaps elements of burnout. Knowing I have something else to give, and I just don’t know what that is. I am a wife, a mother, a working professional. But I am also a dormant writer, dreamer, lover of beauty, décor and fashion, food and travel who has not dared to allow myself the permission to grow creatively. I want to lean into motherhood before the childhood years evaporate. I want to be intentional as a mother and, dare I say, pour my first and best energy of each day into parenthood and homemaking. If I am honest, this is what gives me joy and purpose. On the outside, my career is blossoming. Increased responsibility, respect, visibility. More and more, I feel like I am looking at a stranger in a mirror. Surely this is the CV of someone else. Is this what I set out to do and become 20 years ago? Is it so shameful to admit this is not what I want?
I have been saying for years that I need an exit strategy. Somehow starting this blog is the first tangible thing I thought of doing. Put a voice to my musings and stare my ambitions in the face. I will work to find joy and purpose in my day job, but something has to change. I have explored other options within my profession but I have concluded that my current position is a blessing and the way forward is to use the time and flexibility to acquire skills, test ideas and take gambles. It is time for me to invest more into myself and my family.
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